Scissor

sometimes I think of that night

years ago

the night I couldn’t sleep

so I sat up, at the edge of my bed

and just stayed there

for hours

push down, and pull 

sitting quietly in stillness

in such a peaceful calm

for hours

the whole time staring down

gazing upon the open pair of scissors

I had laid over my wrist 

the cold thin blade giving my skin

a gentle, loving kiss 

so peacefully still 

the voice said

push down, and pull 

I didn’t want to

I have no shame in admitting 

I fear the end

afraid of such finality

a permanent plunge into nothingness

but holding my entire existence in such a serene moment

simply 

indescribable 

hours

I just breathed

in. out. 

such a peaceful calm

push down, and pull

the simple difference

between here and there

maybe it was only moments

but really it was hours

eventually I felt tired

so I got back under the covers and tried to sleep

I don’t quite remember for sure

but I think it rained the next morning

rainy days are the best days for movies with friends.